Of course, Bear, like the bear in the proverbial question, doesn’t use toilet paper.

I think that you should play up the fact that we have real flesh fish, in contrast to fake plastic fish.

I actually got Bear several months after I got the job, when I was getting close to leaving it!

But here is a scary article about flame retardant chemicals in carpets and furniture that can get into dust and give cats (and maybe us?) hyperthyroidism. According to the sidebar (not in the online edition), stuffed animals should be washed. Not clear whether it’s because of dust, or because they have flame retardants in them. Bear could be harming us, though not as badly as Timothy Treadwell. We should check Bear and Blue Snake and all their friends to see if they can be cleaned!

Hey, you revealed my identity! I thought I told you, like Tyler Durden, never to talk about me!

Note: realizing that many stuffed animals are made from synthetic materials, and also realizing how many homeless and forgotten toys there are in the world, we are only adopting previously-owned plush friends into our home these days. I found a little white monkey in the gutter a few days ago, and after a nice bath in the washing machine, he’s as happy as if he were new.

But Bear is special. Michael (Terrible Person) got him from FAO Schwartz not long after landing an awesome new job a few years ago. Bear was his present. Bear is a very noble creature, even though he is sometimes subjected to terrible indignities, like being flown across the room or covered with plastic.