guess it’s time to start experimenting (if my kids are game, of course ;))

TVP (textured vegetable protien). It has the right texture, but practically no taste at all. This can be overcome if you season it well, and you can usually find it in bulk. However, it is a processed soy product (as are the crumbles) and after reading Michael Pollan I gave up all processed soy.

Tofu. The trick to making tofu have the right texture is to freeze it, thaw it, and then squeeze out all of the liquid. At that point you can crumble it and brown it like hamburger. Generally you want to use only very minimal marinade before browning or it will soak up the liquid causing too much flavor and mushy texture. It works pretty good as a hamburger substitute, but it’s hard to find in bulk so it can be a plastic problem. Plus it’s still soy, and I’m trying to cut back. http://www.utne.com/2007-07-01/Science-Technology/The-Dark-Side-of-Soy.aspx

Tempeh. Has a better texture than tofu, and it’s a cultured whole bean product, so it’s healthier than tofu or anything made with soy protien isolate (like crumbles or TVP). It comes in big blocks that you can crumble and brown to a satisfying texture. It has a sort of nutty flavor, but I think it would work well for sloppy joes. Problem is, it generally comes in plastic and I’ve never seen it in bulk.

Lentils. Well, they work, and they come in bulk, but they certainly don’t have the texture of hamburger. So if you want it to seem like meat, you’re out of luck here.

Scrambled Eggs. Not sure if you eat eggs or not, but I’ve discovered that scrambled eggs make a wonderful hamburger substitute. I can get locally produced, organic, free range, pasture fed, cruelty free eggs from a local CSA, so they are my hamburger substitute of choice these days.

Hope this helps, and congratulations on your tiny plastic tally!

(which by the way, I forgot to share with you that at Christmas my 4 year old opened a present and said with a scrunched face, “Aww man it’s wrapped in plastic.” :D )