This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill – you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.
Three years ago, I took the red pill and swore off plastic.
Last year, on my hands and knees sopping up a spilled glass of wine, I found another red pill under the couch and, mistaking it for a vintage M&M, popped it in my mouth. I haven’t had a drink since.
This February, a third red pill fell out of a book I was reading, and I swallowed it before I realized what I was doing. I think you know what happened. I just can’t look at meat without seeing the living animal it once was.
So, I was just wondering if there were any more red pills I should worry about finding because all this “Wonderland” is getting to be a drag. For example, last night, I was out having drinks and appetizers at Chevy’s with my workmates. Their drinks all involved Tequila. Mine was pineapple juice and seltzer. Their drinks came with plastic straws. I made a scene by refusing a plastic straw. Their food consisted of various combinations of pig, chicken, and cow that they shared with one another, while mine was the Farmers Market quesadilla and no sharing.
I know what you think. You think I’m going to whine about not having as much fun as they and how unfair it is that I can no longer join in the merriment. On the contrary. I did have fun. I had a swell time. And my quesadilla rocked. (How can you argue with artichoke hearts, sundried tomatoes, mushrooms, roasted poblano peppers and cheese?) I had fun as long as I didn’t think too hard because when I did, I turned into Judgy Judgerson. Seriously. And the judging judger had thoughts like,
How can they take plastic straws so casually when they’ve read my blog and they know why plastic is bad?
How can they eat meat without thinking about the actual animals they are putting in their mouths? Why aren’t they getting grossed out by eating crispy charred animal parts?
Aren’t they embarrassed by how silly they sound? Don’t they realize how shitty they’re going to feel tomorrow morning after so many margaritas?
How can they not see what I am seeing right now??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!
In short, it sucked to have my brain last night. Today, it’s awesome not to have a hangover. And it’s a freakin’ miracle not to worry that in my stupor, I left my wallet or keys or cell phone or glass straw or backpack behind in the restaurant. And it’s nice to have escaped with my ethics intact. But the judginess was a real drag.
I’m sure all the judging will pass with time and experience. At least, I hope it will. But like I said, I just wanna know if there are any more little red pills hiding in places I least expect them. It would be nice to have some advance warning, if only to spare my friends from my evil thoughts.
Oh, who am I kidding? My friends are fine. It’s me I want to spare. Me who is suffering from the machinations of my mind. And truly? Seeing through that shit? THAT will be the final red pill. That will be me realizing I’m actually living in the dream world of my own thoughts, unwilling to face the ultimate reality.
In fact, that gigantic red pill is sitting on the desk in front of me as I type these words, right next to the blue one I take every night to go to sleep. And I can’t decide which one to swallow. The decision is too big. Too hard. Feels like annihilation. So , okay, keep the little red pills coming if you want. I can deal with those until I’m ready for the big one.