While Beth is taking another night off from blogging in order to get some much-needed and well-deserved sleep, we bring you A Special Message from the Polar Bear Community:
Our habitat is shrinking due to global warming. If current trends continue, TWO-THIRDS of our population will be driven out of existence.
On top of that, this past week saw the publication of a report about how the Canadians are asserting THEIR claims to the Arctic. Not to mention the Americans, the Norwegians, the Danes … (Much as we like the Canadians, being nice people who generally don’t invade anyone and have those cool Tim Horton’s restaurants, we feel that the best claim to the Arctic is OURS.)
We think the governments of these countries are actually excited that the polar ice is shrinking because that will make it easier to send ships up here to look for resources.
Oh, did we mention what these resources are?
Oil and gas.
And what’s one of the reasons you humans need so much oil and gas? What do you spend 2 million barrels a day of oil to make?
Here’s the deal: if things keep up the way they’ve been going, the only polar bears left will be we stuffed ones (and terrible people dressed up as them.) In other words, fake plastic bears.
Oh, and maybe a few in the zoo, lying around without much to do in an environment that bears — excuse me, has — very little resemblance to our natural Arctic habitat.
Now, maybe you don’t think losing two-thirds of your species is such a bad thing. Alan Weisman, in his new bestselling book, The World Without Us, speculates that maybe a human population of about 1.6 billion, down from the current 6 billion plus, might be sustainable for the planet. It wouldn’t be that hard; you guys could stop having so many kids. We certainly wouldn’t mind having a lot fewer people around, since we don’t really eat you human beings. But that’s up to you. And our population is up to us. So, stop using so much plastic. This will cut the demand for oil. And then there will be less economic motive to destroy our Arctic habitat.
We’re not saying this would solve everything, but it would certainly help. And then we can get back to being
Yours very truly,
The Largest Land Carnivores in the World, the Acme Predators, the Furry, the Cute,
The Polar Bears
A note from Beth: