Okay, here’s the thing. We are Soots and Arya, and we don’t like to be awoken suddenly from our nice nap by some big flashing, bright light. So we give you face like this. Not our fault. We are infinitely cute, as you will see.

Beth woke us up to help with her blog because, as she said, it was our fault that she was having too much fun with us to blog for the last few days. Wait, did she say fun? Maybe she said she was too tired from chasing us off her desk all day. When she gets cranky, she tosses us across the floor, but we know she doesn’t mean it so we keep coming back again to cheer her up.

Our new friend David came over tonight and taught us how to do an immensely fun thing. We have expert skills of climbing and this proves that we will soon make it to the top of the drapes, which is the goal of our lives. David says that this activity doesn’t hurt humans long as they’re wearing heavy jeans. Beth doesn’t wear heavy jeans. Oh well.

I am Soots and this is one of my new favorite toys. It is just a long piece of twine with one end attached to a human (not in the picture.) No plastic. No paint. No feathers or bells or sparkly things. You would think that it would be boring, and you would be very wrong. As long as the human doesn’t get tired and forget to keep jiggling the string, we will jump and twist and make kitty pretzels all night until we pass out from the sheer euphoria of life. This is a true fact. However, most humans give up too soon and never discover this for themselves. We still have much training of them to do.

I am Arya, and this is one of the homemade catnip mice that a nice lady named Cat (isn’t that funny, a human named Cat?) made for us. We are very sorry, but there were two, and we don’t know what happened to the other one because we like to hide things but our memories aren’t so good. Anyway, Cat has a blog too, called It’s A Green, Green, Green, Green World. That means she’s an environmentalist. We know this because she mailed the catnip mice to us without any packaging inside the envelope and even had to convince the mail room guy that it was okay to let her send them that way. This made Beth happy. She doesn’t like extra packaging. We, on the other hand, pretty much like extra everything except for loud noises.

And this is our Cosmic Cat scratcher box. It’s okay, and Beth says it’s made from recycled cardboard, but we really would just rather scratch the carpet. It’s much more satisfying. Oh, this is another reason that Beth hasn’t been blogging. Every time she hears us scratch the carpet, she grabs us and puts us on the Cosmic Cat scratcher box, and then she starts scratching it herself to show us how. That’s pretty funny. We like watching her fingers scratch the cardboard. Sometimes we try to bite them. When she stops, we have to scratch the carpet to get her to do it again.

This is our dining room. No plastic here, either. Just a metal tray, some ceramic and glass bowls, and a very nice painting, possibly from the Impressionist Period, of humans with umbrellas that Michael put here for us to enjoy while we eat. We don’t know what umbrellas are because we don’t go outside. And we’re pretty sure it would be fun to scratch, except so far we have been too busy eating while in our dining room to remember to try out the Impressionist scratching post that Michael so considerately provided to us.

So you’re probably wondering what we were eating. Salmon. Ocean fish. Chicken. Yummy stuff. It’s all Pet Promise Brand cat food.  (2011 Update: Sadly, the Pet Promise brand was discontinued due to the economic downturn.) We can have dry food all day long and wet food from cans twice a day. When that happens, Soots tries very hard to eat his wet food and Arya’s too. Sometimes Beth pushes him back to his own bowl and sometimes she puts me, Arya, on the counter where Soots can’t bug me. I really do think she likes me best.

Okay, so yes, Beth admits that there is plastic packaging of this delicious food. The cans are lined with plastic, of course. And the bag of dry food has a plastic coating inside and out. But still, she thinks that it is better for us and the planet because it has no animal byproducts, no added growth hormones, no antibiotic-fed protein, no rendered meats, no factory-farm meat or poultry, and no artificial colors, flavors, or preservatives. And Dr. Andrew Weil thinks it is the best in town, so that’s good enough for her.

Later, when we are adult cats, she might switch us to Castor & Pollux Organix cat food because she can buy it from a bulk bin at Rainbow Grocery with no packaging at all. But the humans at Castor & Pollux told her that we are not yet ready for that food, so because of us she has to buy a little bit of plastic. We’re sorry.

This is what we do after we eat. We have a plastic litter box that Beth says was okay for her to get for us because it came from a nice person on Freecycle, so she didn’t have to buy new plastic. Right now, we are using SwheatScoop natural cat litter. [2016 Update: We are now using Integrity Brand litter instead since Swheatscoop switched to a plastic bag.] It works fine for us, but Beth has been reading many differing opinions and has not decided if this is what we will always use. Also, after we do our business, Beth scoops out the lumps with a spoon and flushes them down the toilet once a day. Now, we know that you are thinking that she is killing sea otters. But she thinks that our poop is sea otter safe because we have never been outside to pick up the dreaded Toxoplasma gondii parasite and we will always be indoor kitties. After she takes us to the vet, she will know for positively sure.

She is just waiting to get a carrier box for us from another human on Craigslist or Freecycle. See, this is another plastic item that she refuses to buy new. But right now she is having difficulties hooking up with the Craigslist/Freecycle people because it’s the holidays and they are busy giving presents to their own pets. At least, we feel that is the only legitimate excuse for them.

This is our playground, a.k.a. Beth and Michael’s living room. We have lots of cardboard on the floor and blankets and pillows. We like living here because it is soft and we don’t get yelled at for running on the sofa even though we do get yelled at for scratching the carpet. Something about a landlord. We don’t know what that is, but it sounds scary.

Sometimes, Beth comes into our playroom and sighs deeply. We think it’s because she’s so in love with our wonderfulness. She says things like, “Holy crap. Just look at this place.” And then she just shakes her head and sits down to watch at us.

Yes, I Arya Terry-Stoler am one beautiful kitteh. Gaze upon my magnificence and prepare to offer tokens of appreciation.

We are finished with this blog post. We have important investigations to attend to, as well as some serious wrastling, pouncing, and purring. Good night.

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